Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize