He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
ttyl tear gas
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
