I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
