I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
