Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
