he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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