while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
