I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
