were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
