i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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