i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
