I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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