i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
