My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
