i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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