toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
