i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Alive.
So much puke
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
