ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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