oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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