That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
