i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
