i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
