just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
