Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
