sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
