i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
