Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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