tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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