She is in my trunk
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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