planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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