My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
