Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
