I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
