It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
