But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
