Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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