evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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