But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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