i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
