You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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