I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
