he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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