You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
