There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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