his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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