I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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