I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
