so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
