My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
