You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize