i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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