I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
