you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
