I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
