god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
