My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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