mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
