Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
