like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you will always have a special place in my vag
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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