the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
