what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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