yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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