just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
