The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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