What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
