So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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