Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
