it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
