He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize