Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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