atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
