Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
