Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
PANTIES FOUND
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