I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
...so i touched it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
