the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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