Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
