i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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