alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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