you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
not ubering you a puppy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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