At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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