Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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