my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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