No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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