How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
