why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
