I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize