I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
