3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
