I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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