Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize