so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
