Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
