Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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