you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize