He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
