My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
