That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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