About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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